Along the Way

Life is funny. It can race by you like a NASCAR driver on Meth or it can cruise sedately by like a deep river passing over level ground. Either way, if you're paying attention, you stand to learn a lot. I've picked up quite a bit in 48 years. Some of it has even proven to be useful. Today, I thought I would share with you some of the things I have learned...along the way.

If your dog or your horse doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.

Ignorance is nothing more than a lack of information. Stupidity, on the other hand, is having that information and refusing to use it or refusing to accept the information in the first place. For this reason, ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. It's in the heart.

The only way to change a bigot is to remove the full diaper and replace it with a clean one. Anything else is a waste of time.

We've all heard "those who can, do...those who can't, teach." This is not true. The truth is, "those who can, do...those who can't, mock."

If cats were as smart as people say they are, they wouldn't need nine lives.

You will never get too old to need your parents.

When the police tell you that, if you're innocent, you don't need a lawyer, call a lawyer. I guarantee every man who has been exonerated by DNA heard those exact words from a police officer. That should be proof enough.

If you're unhappy with the government, don't blame the government. Much like your children, your leaders will do as much as you let them get away with.

If the saying, "guns don't kill people. People kill people" is true, then the same holds true for television, movies, music and video games. You can't have it both ways.

If you don't have the knowledge or the tools to fix something, call a professional. Machismo can be very expensive.

You can't blame the omelet for the eggs being spoiled.

Ladies, if you are starting a new relationship, let him drive on your first few dates. Why? Because men make love the same way they drive. If he's one of those guys who floors it when the light turns green, races to the next light, then slams on the brakes, this is good information to have before you slip between the sheets.

Faith can do as much harm as it does good.

Forty-five is not "middle-aged," unless you live to be ninety.

If discrimination is wrong when it works against you, it is still wrong when it works for you.

If it were true that we get smarter as we get older, scammers wouldn't be able to consistently and successfully target the elderly.

If it seems like nobody likes you, the problem is probably you.

The fact that people believe in "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" is the biggest reason the owners of Discount Auto Parts and The Home Depot are so rich.

Just as it is possible to be right yet remain uncertain, it is just as easy to be certain and still be dead wrong.

Most homeless people are just people who weren't rich when the bad thing happened in their lives. The Dupont, Hilton, Bush and Kennedy families are full of lazy people, addicts and the mentally ill, yet none of them have ever been homeless. Think about it.

I know your mother probably told you if you want people to like you, just be yourself. Unfortunately, this won't work very well if you're an asshole.

So, now it's your turn. Tell me what you have learned...along the way..